Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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