Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
