Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
