I think I died a long time ago.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
