Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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