I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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