I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
