We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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