This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
