I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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