dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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