If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
