So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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