carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
