Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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