Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
