I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
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Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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