Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
