i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ugly people sure do ruin things
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
