Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
