Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
