I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
