hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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