eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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