so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
