Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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