I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
