Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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