Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
COCAINE IS GR8