i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.