those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works