you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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