He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.