yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
