I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
