Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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