He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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