I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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