Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
