i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
