Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
