I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This house was built for laser tag.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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