dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
