you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
