i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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