david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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