On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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