dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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