i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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