Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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