Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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