so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
