they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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