if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
