also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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