I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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