You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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