Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
