stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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