quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
