You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
