.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
