PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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