Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
