I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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