so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
