I accidentally burped into my bong.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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