If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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