Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride