So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
PANTIES FOUND
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
