Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
