i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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