My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
