i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
