He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That's intense
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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