Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
