So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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