Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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