Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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